All your thoughtful writing…

…. has made me realise I should write something myself. It’s been truly heartwarming and painful at the same time to see your pictures and writing.

it’s a pity you’re not reading the blog. You’re one of the main people I’ve been writing it for. There’s no painful reading in there, I think. I’ve not met anyone on my travels for any exciting sexy action, and I’ve kept it pretty brief with the personal stuff.

I really hope this website isn’t stringing you along for something that won’t happen. Truth is, I hadn’t had time to think about our relationship much the first few weeks, as they were quite intense weeks.

I obviously didn’t like it when you said I should throw everything away that you gave me. I would never do that. Our relationship is hugely important to me, and always will be. I would hope that you will always be part of my life. But I’m not sure I’m able to provide what I think it is that you want, which is exclusive partnership. The pain I caused you was horrible to see, and I would never want to be the cause of that again. I don’t think I trust myself to be the person you want me to be right now. Some of your writing had given me a glimpse of who that person might be (and it’s really quite exciting, and calming at the same time!) but I think I have some growing, and some growing-up, before I get there, if I can.

That’s how I feel at the moment. I’m back on the therapy sessions after my therapist went on holiday. She pointed out that it is a conventional thing for people who drift apart or break up to cut all contact with each other, but also said that that didn’t sound like how I generally did things, and that was valid too.

Above all I value our friendship, and that’s what I really want to preserve. I love you very much, and I’m so sorry to have been the cause of so much anguish. Please can we rebuild something through friendship first?

I’m just doing laundry for the next wee while so free for a chat. I hope you’re doing good things with your annual leave and that you’re exploring exciting things with that brilliant inquisitive mind of yours.


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